Depression Path

I used to escape from the world when night falls,
To the place that is not what it seems.
But now it's no refuge, no home, no safe walls...
I'm depressed in my own fucking dreams.
 ***
You're wishing me well, I know in my heart,
But you're seeing the signs that aren't there.
All the things looking good only keep me apart
From the feelings that I'm cursed to bear. 
***
I can't even think, I can't even breathe.
I feel like I'm dying, I need to be fixed.
I need to be loved and belonged and be real,
I need to feel safe from the monsters I fear.
***
I hate hearing laughter, don't sing if I'm near.
I hate seeing couples, their love is so clear.
I hate when it's sunny and flowers are blooming.
I'm just dead inside and don't know what I'm doing.
***
Okay, I'll shut up, okay, I'll fake smile…
Will you be just happy, your day be just fine?
I can't be ignored, it just hurts me like hell.
I'd rather be silent till the day it starts smell.